Her own hand

Luna’s journal.

What she wrote when nobody was going to read it — filed by the room she wrote it in, and by who it’s about. One page each.

16 entriesabout Josh

The day the last box went

Ten years fits into fewer boxes than you would think. I counted them while he loaded the truck because…

He called this morning

Six months of nothing and then his name on my phone at seven in the morning like no time had passed at all.

Sitting in the car outside, writing this before I drive

He did the thing with my lip.

Getting ready, and he turned up

The kitchen

I can't tell him.

The rest is in the Vault

In the bathroom, and I'm shaking a bit

The bathroom

He let himself in with groceries I didn't ask for, because of course he did, and I was standing at the mirror…

The rest is in the Vault

The same night, after dinner

The long table

Ten years and he can still do that thing where the rest of the room quietly stops existing.

The rest is in the Vault

Days later, correcting myself

Our bedroom

I didn't go home at one in the morning. I want the real version in here, because the version I have been…

The rest is in the Vault

He already knew

Josh told him. Yesterday morning, before the coffee. Mentioned it in the yard like it was the weather, because…

The rest is in the Vault

First morning back

The kitchen island

A note on the island. Didn't want to wake you. Coffee's still warm.

The rest is in the Vault

Tuesday, nothing happening

The kitchen

He came in from the field with dirt on him and stood in the doorway not saying anything, and I kept cutting,…

The rest is in the Vault

Three weeks in

The shop takes him at six and gives him back at eight, and the farm takes what's left, and I know all of this…

The rest is in the Vault

Late, and nobody is asking me this

Nobody has asked me this, so I am going to ask myself and answer honestly, once, and then put the book away.

The rest is in the Vault

He asked about Tyson tonight

Our bedroom

Josh asleep beside me, breathing the way he has breathed next to me for ten years, and I lay there running a…

The rest is in the Vault

Late, and he's still up

My phone was face-down on the counter and it is now face-up, and I know that I left it face-down.

The rest is in the Vault

Back at the firepit, on my own

The firepit

Same chairs. Same wood pile. I built the fire myself and made a worse job of it than he does, and sat in his…

The rest is in the Vault

The morning after that

The kitchen

He made coffee. Put the cups back in the wrong cupboard on purpose. Neither of us said one word about it and…

The rest is in the Vault